I Found Myself Today

I found myself today

Enjoying the games I love to play

Being myself to a tee

And feeling as happy as can be

I’ve heard that fish will never fly

But somehow I think that is a lie

Oh dear one can’t you see 

That your beautiful fins are the strongest wings 

That help you soar through the great big sea

So no matter the color the shape or the size 

Your beautiful self is a glorious prize

This hope I can give and so strongly say

Is only because I found myself today

  

© Lauren Kearney 2016

I wrote this poem about six months ago after I had been talking on the phone with a dear friend. I was trying to encourage her that she didn’t need to change who she was to be accepted by someone who refused to notice. 

I thought to myself about how often I have done this in my life. In the past, I had tried to make myself be more outgoing, more sexy, more serious, or more silly, and the list goes on and on. I realized that I had done this to fit into someone else’s ideal of who I should be. Often times I find that we are so busy as women trying to figure out whom we should be instead of just being who we really are. This is a message that gets trickled down to the next generation. We need to stop setting these absurd, imaginary standards. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for personal growth. Growing as a human being both intellectually, emotionally and spiritually is extremely important. The tricky part is making sure you allow yourself to grow in a way that is authentic to you. 
For most of my young life, I thought I wanted to be a hairstylist. Going to beauty school was my dream. So I went to beauty school, got my license and started working in a salon. Very quickly after, the superficial aspects of being in the beauty industry soon took it’s toll. Conversations around me were all skin deep. Being an introvert made this environment emotionally exhausting with the constant hustle and bustle and forced conversation. Eventually, I figured out it just wasn’t for me. 

 I was disappointed in myself for a long time. I felt an incredible amount of guilt for spending so much time learning how to do something and then not wanting to do it anymore. Soon after that, I realized how much happier and less exhausted I had become. I went back to school and was reunited with reading, one of my first loves. Not everyone can say they love to read and write and study for hours, but I do. It’s just who I am.  
Goals are important, but be mindful of the happy distractions for those could be the very thing that lead you to living a life that is authentically you. When you let go of the standards, and idealisms of who you should be and just accept who you are, you become free to fly. 

  
© Lauren Kearney 2016

{all photos taken by me ©2012}
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